What is being “in a relationship?” Most of us would say we fall in love with someone and we get into a relationship with them but having a relationship could be having a good relationship with our family, friends, and significant other. I will talk about being in a relationship who we fall in love with to be more specific. I was always asked for advice on how to keep the relationship strong and everlasting. I can’t guarantee that I am giving 100% right advice if I do not know exactly what the situation and status is because every relationship goes through different circumstances. Another common question that I was asked was, “how would you know if that person is the right one?” I am in no position to say who is the right one for anyone, for what I believe is, we should work on how to be the right one for someone that we fall in love with.
There are couples who met and fell in love and though there are ups and downs, they are able to manage to keep their relationship once they commit to it. There are some who got into a relationship and later just found out that there are also some differences that both need to do some adjustments and have to compromise. There are people who really like to be with someone who has common interests as them so it’ll be easy for interactions. There are also some couples who are still learning the similarities and differences while in the relationship so I should say it’s very crucial to give the same advice to every couple who are struggling to keep their relationship without knowing the causes of the problems that some failed to resolve and just ended up breaking up.
I will give some tips that worked on my current “relationship” with someone, friends, and family and also would share the past experiences that I had in the past, why it didn’t work out and what went wrong. I came to realize a lot of things after trying to date several people before I finally found the right one for me. I will define what relationship, partnership, and love mean to me. But before anything else, once again, I am only sharing my own personal experiences on dating and being in a relationship and what I did to finally make things more peaceful and less stressful in my own relationship with the one that I am sure about to share my life with not just now but to the upcoming future.
First of all, let’s talk about “relationships” with close friends. Having good friends is one of the good support systems one could have especially if we think about a relationship with friends. We should surround ourselves with people who have good influence and good positive energy that’s good in our lives (both mentally and emotionally.) This is important to know because surrounded by good positive energy around us, most likely, we avoid being irrational and we get to hear honest opinions and suggestions about how we improve ourselves and also doing the same thing to our friends. Having a good foundation of friendship ends in becoming a family. We most likely become a good influence to our friends like they do and adopt the nature of having a good mentality with them. Less stress and drama to deal with. Helping each other to be happy and successful knowing we got each other’s back. It gives a lot of courage to try new things, and if we fail, we get that feeling of support that helps one get through things in life.
Second, a form of “relationship” with our family. Love from family is mostly unconditional, we get acceptance and encouragement that makes one have a good perspective about intimate relationships with someone or marriage. If you aren’t from a “broken” family, you know exactly what you would like to have as a partner in life because you have a good example of good family values. If you are indeed from a “broken family,” we should look at the positive perspectives of how to choose a partner in life that would break that chain and not to have the same fortune of having a “broken family.” We learned from bad examples of having a “broken family” and so we can turn the mistakes to lessons of what exactly NOT to do to avoid the same fortune. A good relationship, especially with parents, is very important because they can share their perspectives about their own relationship and marriage that can help a lot when you want to be in a romantic relationship with someone. Family is home. You can explore life, but you know you have a home to come back to when you need it. Building a good relationship with your own family before committing to someone ,in my opinion, is very important. Keep in mind that bringing unresolved issues with either friends or family into your own relationship with someone can bring a lot of negativity that can create future problems in your own lovelife.
Now, let’s get back to a “relationship” with special someone either your boyfriend, girlfriend, fiance, or spouse. How to keep the relationship with someone? Know that it should be a partnership. Dating could be complicated because in the process, you will know more about that person and it could turn out to be good or bad. Every relationship goes through different circumstances so it is really hard to give exact advice on how to keep it going. There are times that we should know how to let it go and move on if it becomes toxic. Have you heard about the phrase “communication is the key?” Yes it is one important thing to have in a relationship, but if one doesn’t know how to comprehend, it’ll be tough to just communicate. Understanding one another’s perspective is very important. Every man and woman’s perspectives are very different due to different points of views in everything. This follows up with giving the ingredient to love: trust, faith, and respect. Love alone will never be enough without these ingredients that make the bonds between lovers to get stronger. Relationships are not always rainbows and butterflies, and so expect that there will be times of arguments, misunderstandings, miscommunications, and other stuff that lovers may encounter. Even let’s say me and my partners have an argument, it doesn’t really mean we hate each other. We try to see it as each one of us is trying to point out something based on our points of view and later will talk about it and respect each other’s opinions regarding whatever the arguments are all about.
There is no point in fighting over small things when it could be handled right in the first place. Trying to resolve the issue and not making it bigger and worse to the point that it’ll be hard for both to make up later. It is easier to make up if both come to realize that no one is right or wrong and if one realizes the fault, say sorry and get over it and think about having each other’s back. It takes two to tango. We can only learn from each other’s flaws and help each other manifest our beings. There is totally nothing wrong with admitting a mistake. After all, it is part of the experience and growing up. Each one should be emotionally available because once in a while we need that encouragement and support not just emotionally, but also mentally, physically, or even spiritually. Having a peaceful relationship can lead to an everlasting one. Trying to be a good partner to one another is not a secret but sometimes we forget about why we committed to the relationship in the first place and why we chose the person we are with now.
One should know if the relationship is becoming toxic. This is going to be so stressful and depressing to some. Some relationships insert or enforce manipulations and controls. There shouldn’t be something like this because it’ll lead to a very unhappy relationship and later will become a problem. A good relationship should give that feeling of security and inner peace to both thinking that if they both are facing problems, they are able to get through it together. Otherwise, maybe it is time to rethink if the relationship we are in is the one we need or the one we want for the long run. If not, then it is for both to decide what’s next. It is better to end on good terms ,if no third party is involved, just like adults. After all, we decide what’s best for us and start anew. Accept, Let go, and Move on are the three important things to remember to mend a broken heart. If for some reasons the relationship doesn’t work, it simply means it wasn’t the partnership in life that you probably you’ve been seeking for.
I personally think of my relationship with someone as “partnership.” Because it is easier for me to remind myself what I committed myself into to try and do my best to make it work out. It is not like waiting or looking for the “right one,” I rather want to manifest myself to be the “right one” that way if that right person comes to my life, it’ll make more sense and I won’t be that person who hasn’t able to heal from the past traumas that I had in relationships. I also would choose the person who has the same understanding of what kind of relationship with would want to build together as a partner. It is important to put God above everything and during the unexpected circumstances that may occur that challenge or threaten the relationship, to take the time to talk about it and go back to the reason why you choose to be with this person. Is it worth losing everything for something that can be resolved? Or is it worth it to fight and keep it going if there is still a future waiting? So many questions to ask and again, do what feels right for you and what you think is best for both of you.
John 13:34. “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.” The Good News: We must always remember to love each other just as much as God loves us, which is unconditionally.